Looking Back @ 2010

This year has done a lot for me in terms of clearing my head and seeing missions, as well as church, in a new light. I must say that as a muzungu (white man in Africa) the issue has become about cautious, prayerful intervention.  Our desire, as humans, to feel important, sometimes gets mixed up with the indwelling purpose God has wired within us. It is much more ego-rewarding to go off somewhere and come back and talk about our "experiences" and get people all teary-eyed and even have them thank us for going. Cynical, I know. But I have a real desire to change how I personally do ministry and I can't go back to mission tourism, ever. Maybe it has its place for a time but for our own sakes we have to wean ourselves off the need for that high and learn how to live the principle of ministry in every moment we have left on earth.

For example, I loved traveling all over the world for the past 7 years. I love that my daughter was exposed to missions and other cultures at a young age. I love how God knit in me, a servant heart that was humbled continually on every trip. I also saw my misplaced idea of helping, and how we create dependency on the muzungus of the world and to some extent allow dissatisfaction to creep into their world when they realize what they could have, never knowing anything else existed before we came. And most of all I see how neglected and hurting our own culture is and how little we "mission" them because there is no glory in that. If we ministered with as much enthusiasm here we would change the world because the whole world is here, or wants to be here.

My other epiphany is that God will bring me ministry and not through organized programs or because I work in a ministry. I am living out my purpose which is the same purpose every Christian has, to be a light in the darkness. If we carefully listen to God's voice in guiding us to our vocations we will realize He is also guiding us to our ministry. Sometimes that is being the best mom and raising godly kids. Sometimes it is taking the job that pays less than you are worth because your spiritual gifts in that position are the more valuable asset. 

As far as the pilgrimage...I went to a church about a month ago and for the first time I sat and felt like I didn't need to stand if I didn't want to; I could be an observer or participater. I just disconnected from the world around me and connected with God in His sanctuary. Worship was plentiful and spirit-lead. This is huge. I feel refreshed spiritually with a renewed perspective (hopefully a bit more objective). I no longer feel the pretense of all the pomp and circumstance laid on me by the institutionalized church. It is what it is and always will be but for me I have made peace with that and can see that it is important for me to be a part of a body. Most importantly I know I have the freedom to go or not go each week and for a well trained Baptist that is huge :)

This is Sunday's Pilgrim signing off. 
"Three things cannot be hidden the sun, the moon, and the truth." -Confucious
"Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7